she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
