Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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