Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
