4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
