yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
