woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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