I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
