I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
