Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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