I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
