I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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