i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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