She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
