the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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