Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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