You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
