Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
