Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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