Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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