I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
