I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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