So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
