Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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