I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
