I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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