hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
