Swine flu. Run for my life!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
