yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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