Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
