I'm going to jail i love you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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