she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it's like heaven, but drunker
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
