Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
