I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
