You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
