In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I party with great urgency now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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