i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
