You work out of a Hotel?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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