the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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