If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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