You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
