i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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