With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
