I wanna bring you to show and tell
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
