Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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