True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
