Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
