turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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