Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
