Only a mothe r could love this liver
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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