if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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