It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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