why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
