Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
