Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
