my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
