I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
