i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
